That Ain't Her
by Alyriaa
Summary: Daryl's thoughts during his conversation with Rick about Carol's banishment. / Carol would do anything to protect the ones she loved. She was fierce and protective when the situation called for it. But to kill in cold blood? It didn't make sense.


**I don't own The Walking Dead or these characters. The dialogue is all from 4x08. This just randomly popped into my head at work and I had to write it down. It's been several years since I've even written anything that didn't have to do with a school assignment, let alone a piece of fiction, so I'm terrified about posting this, but here goes nothing.**

* * *

Damn if this didn't feel all too familiar. This rage buzzing in his skull, the clenching of his heart, the unfamiliar stinging of his eyes. This was a familiar situation, he wasn't a stranger to loss, none of them were. Losing countless people as the world came crashing down around them was almost unavoidable now. Losing Merle had been the worst and with his shit luck, he had gone through that twice. Nothing had ever come close to that kind of pain. Until now.

"That's her... But it ain't her." He paced back and forth attempting to calm the rage threatening to make him lose control. Carol would do anything to protect the ones she loved. She was fierce and protective when the situation called for it. But to kill in cold blood? It didn't make sense. That just wasn't her. Those actions didn't add up to the woman he had grown close to as the months had gone by. Carol was a woman of compassion and love, a woman who would die to protect the ones she cared about most. She'd shown that countless times as she cared for both Carl and Judith after Lori's death and Rick's inability to cope. She'd shown that when she was helping to integrate the Woodbury citizens into the prison and everyone that came in after them. Time and time again she had stepped up in the prison, taking on more than her fair share of daily chores, looking after the children, becoming a member of the council. She'd even taken on Lizzie and Mika when she didn't have to, when most others probably wouldn't have. Hell, he himself had been witness to her relentlessly gentle nature as she continually pulled him back into the group, showing him his worth repeatedly, refusing to let him endure this world alone. That wasn't a woman who would kill innocents without reason.

She was capable of it, he was more than sure. She wasn't weak, certainly wasn't the frightened shell of a woman from the quarry. But she also wasn't stupid; wasn't dangerous. It didn't make sense. There had to be more to it than what Rick was giving him, maybe more to it than Rick even knew himself. But all Rick would give him were half-hearted bullshit statements that made Daryl's blood boil. He was trying desperately to control himself, to hold back from physical attack, but if Rick kept that up Daryl wasn't so sure he could be held responsible for his actions.

Rick just didn't understand. No matter what she'd done, she was still Carol. If this was something she had done, then it was just one poorly chosen action in the grand scheme of things. He'd sure as hell be angry with her, as would almost everyone else. He would want to fucking shake her for her lapse in judgment. He'd want to scream and shout and rage at her, but it wouldn't change them. He'd still care for her, still be there for her, still protect her if she needed him. By now they had all done things that were morally questionable, things that would not have made them proud in another lifetime. But in this world you did things that were once unthinkable. Everyone was guilty; everyone had blood on their hands. Hell, Rick's own son had killed in cold blood, but even he had gotten a chance to come back from it. So why were Carol's actions unforgivable? And even if Rick was right, that she couldn't stay in the prison, why didn't she at least get a chance to explain herself to the others, to him? Why didn't she get a chance to say goodbye? Why didn't he? Fuck.

"I haven't told Tyreese yet. I don't know how he's gonna take it."

Again Daryl thinks about how he could have handled Tyreese, would have handled him. Rick was just using Ty as an excuse, he could see that clearly. Rick could justify his actions all he wanted, but he wasn't going to convince Daryl that he banished Carol for her own protection. In this world, nobody could make it alone and nobody should have to. Thoughts of Carol out there alone began to creep in and he had to steel himself. He couldn't think about the danger she could come across, couldn't think about how hurt and alone she must feel. Briefly he wondered about the expression of her face during her conversation with Rick before he sent her off. Was the right corner of her mouth turned down just slightly, like it did when she was concerned about something? Were the worry lines on her forehead and around the corners of her eyes showing as she thought about her own future? Were her eyes bright with tears or were they clouded with disbelief and betrayal? There went the clench of his heart again. He pushed himself away from the railing, pushed himself away from his thoughts.

"Let's go find out."


End file.
